The Fake and the Furious

The Fake and the Furious

Tayla fishtails around the corner in her pink hover car named Daisy. Jack has never been late before let alone stood her up but she’s annoyed anyway. When she pulls into her driveway, she senses that something is odd. Just a bit. It’s not merely that her bedroom window is broken but something else… It suddenly occurs to her that as she sped down the street everyone was glaring at her and seemingly not because of her driving.

Tayla steps out of her car and, seeing the two children on their bikes across the road staring at her, decides to approach them… except they ride away.

Thump. Thump.

She recognizes that sound and turns to see a towering grey man-walker mech leaning over her.

“We have to talk.” The voice is slightly distorted but it’s clearly Jack and he’s clearly upset. Just a bit.

Tayla doesn’t answer and ducks back into Daisy. She slams a button and the car transforms into a chicken-walker mech.

“Now I know why you stood me up…  you… you just wanted to ambush me here,” she yells through the speaker as she swings one of Daisy’s arms toward Jack but he blocks the attack.

“Like you can talk, bitch. You’re late almost every time. You didn’t even leave until 12:30 which was when you were supposed to be there!” Jack follows up that reply with an uppercut. Crack!

The two children return on their bikes, bringing with them all the other youngsters who live nearby.

“Fight! Fight! Fight!” – “Two packets of potato crisps on Jack.” – “Your homework on what’s her name.” – “Forty credits on the angry young man in under three minutes!”

At that last exclamation, the children whip around to see their parents also enjoying the show.

“You’re one sick immature bastard,” Tayla blurts out, then let flies a one-two combo.

“I’m immature?! You’re the one who’s confused and doesn’t know what she wants,” Jack kicks her between the legs, damaging the hydraulics. “You act like you want attention, then you ignore me. You say you want to be with me, then you say you want ‘space’ and that you’re ‘independent’ and all that stupid crap!”

Tayla takes another swing at Jack except he catches the arm with one hand and repeatedly delivers punches with the other.

“Get her! She’s makes us look bad!” one of the mothers calls out.

Tayla desperately tries to fight back. Despite the color, Daisy is actually not a bad mech but Jack is the better pilot. And he is a bit pissed off. Just a bit.

“Well, you’re an insensitive jerk.” Smack!

“I’m not a mind-reader and I do ask what you want. So if I don’t make an effort, I’m insensitive; and if I do, I’m a stalker and not giving you space!” Jack puts a few more dents into the pink mech.

A deep voice booms, “What’s going on here?”

All freeze momentarily, then silently turn to see a police mech standing in the middle of the road with its auto-cannons raised.

A little boy slowly puts up his hand.

The police mech inclines. “Yes?”

“Err… young lovers’ quarrel… sir.”

The police mech rises and rotates to see two mechs standing like statues: a slightly damaged grey one holding the arm of a battered pink unit in one hand while the other hand is a tightened fist three inches away from the pink cockpit.

“And?” the cop asks.

The crowd murmurs varying opinions. A raspy sigh is heard through the speakers, then the auto-cannons click.


“Much better. Now, son, tell me what’s going on.”

The young boy looks at the two mechs.

“Don’t look at them, look at me.”

“Well, sir, Jack is a nice guy… I mean, Tayla is nice too, kinda… but he’s accusing her of being a confused—”

“Oh, one of those. Well, in that case, it’s Last-Day-of-School Rules: Do whatever you want to each other but no third-party damages. And you have to stop when I tell you to.”

The auto-cannons retract, the crowd cheers and Tayla throws a hard one. Crunch! Jack falls.

She screams as she repeatedly stomps on the torso, shattering parts of the cockpit frame. “Go switch yourself off, creep!”

Tayla then picks up a long sharp rod which probably belonged to her Daisy. As she is about to drive it into Jack, he rolls away, gets up and tackles her to the ground like a free safety on sugar overload. “Yeah right, I’m a creep for showering you with gifts.”

“Oh, somebody kill someone already,” some granny shouts.

Jack kicks Tayla while she’s down. Parts fly everywhere. “You only wanna date cos your friends do it, not because you’re seriously interested in marriage and children. Do you even know what commitment means?!”

He lifts up the pink mech over his head, “You treat me as a convenience,” then drops it. “Bitch.”

The police siren blares once. “Alright, that’s enough, we have a winner. Folks, go home, nothing to see here.”

But Jack isn’t done. A barrel extends from the right arm. Everyone starts, their eyes widen. Before the policeman gets a chance to intervene, Jack unloads at Tayla’s house, his targeting program dispersing the paintball rounds perfectly. The paintjob:



“The Fake and the Furious” was shortlisted for The Adrian’s Duel Award at Needle In The Hay, June 2013.